1. 01:12 22nd Apr 2014

    Notes: 1

    Tags: personal:(

    I’m just immensely insecure. Why?

    1. You’re more popular than me. From the number of your Facebook friends to the number of likes on your photos to how many events you go to, you’re better than me in all facets of that. Meanwhile, I have no close friends where I’m going to school and that’s just tearing me apart. You always say that I need more friends, but you’re assuming it’s easy for me to make friends :c
    2. You make me feel like I should be “better.” By either grooming myself to meet the standards of the everyday college student: getting my eyebrows done (seriously never noticed that until I entered college. How sheltered was I!), waxing my lady bits to bare baby smoothness, magically waving a wand to get rid of my cellulite, caking tons of make up on my face, straightening my hair until it fries off, etc etc ad nauseum; or kissing up to people with little-to-no promise of a reward; or pushing myself until I’m out of breath, up a hill and pedaling faster until my heart falls out of rhythm and my chest.
    3. You never seem to actually want to talk to me. I have to practically beg you to Skype with me MAYBE once a month.
    4. You never want to be intimate with me. I have to initiate everything and it is fucking humiliating.
    5. You seem to know me better than I know myself. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t. Why am I dragging myself out like this like a dog on a leash and you have the scissors and tormenting me. Please spare me. Have mercy on me. Please.
     
  2. Loving you is like a rollercoaster

    Some times, I feel on top of the world. Then you say ONE stupid thing and I instantly feel like shit and have all these thoughts about breaking up. Then, I just tell myself I’m too sensitive and I should grow some ladyballs and learn to take criticism. Then I go back to loving you like crazy.

    I don’t even know. I really love you. But, I’ve noticed that after the break, you seem….tired….of me :( I keep asking you if you really want to stay with me, if you’re sure you don’t want other girls, but you say you’ve always wanted me. I don’t want to hold you back. Fly free if you want.

    Maybe if I was prettier and had more friends, you’d actually want to stay with me and skype with me a lot. You wouldn’t be too busy all the time.

    You’re driving me crazy and insane and I have no idea where I’m going and I hate that. I fucking hate it.

    Maybe this is what it feels like to be alive.

     
  3. I just want you to make me feel wanted

    "I should be a part of your social life. Not the whole thing. I think you need to chill out."

    That was the big slap in the face. At that moment, I realized you actually do think I’m as much of a loser as I always joke I am. I realized that it’s a huge possibility you’re actually staying with me out of pity. Do us both a favor: if you really don’t want me, leave. I’m giving you the green light. Don’t torture yourself. Don’t torture me.

    We’re just two completely different people. You’re friendly and outgoing and confident, everything that I’m not. I wish I was. That’s why I’m in therapy. I believe I can be fixed.

    I do have redeeming qualities, though. But, in this thankless and vain world, they’re seldom recognized. Why can’t I be recognized for my razor-sharp wit???? Why isn’t there an award for overthinking? For being tormented as a child? For having uncontrollable hair? For never being truly wanted? For self-pity???

    You never want to skype with me or chat with me anymore, and when we do, you just make me feel guilty for wasting your time and bothering you.

    I hope you’re going to see this. And you’re going to try to defend yourself to me. I’ll save you the energy:

    "I do love you for you." Okay, is that why you always make passive-aggressive comments about my weight and eating habits? And constantly put me down about my lack of friends?

    "We’ve had such good times together. Why ruin it?" Sometimes, the good is not worth the heartache and tears that have plagued me since the beginning of our relationship. I don’t know if I can handle this much longer.

    "You can always change!" Ohhhhhhh, this is golden. Change for myself? Of course! I’ve always wanted better thighs from biking six hours a day and starving myself the other eighteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve always wanted to become fluent in your language with little help from you!

    "Can’t you see that I love you and want to stay with you?"
    Then why don’t you make me fucking feel like you do? 

     
  4. someone skype me!

    not gonna put my skype name on the internet for perverts to see this time. plus, i’m only willing to skype with people i already know AND/OR know american sign language (asl) or learning asl. also keeping my clothes on so sorry for all you 14 year old horndogs.

    so, here’s what to do:

    1. inbox me with a message asking for my skype name AND your level of asl knowledge (unless you’re someone i know, of course…)
    2. that’s it, bitches. hmu
     
  5. feeling so ridiculously lonely :c

     
  6. image: Download

    becomingdeaf:

If only the rest of the world would get on board ;) 

My life since last year.

    becomingdeaf:

    If only the rest of the world would get on board ;) 

    My life since last year.

     
  7. 17:26

    Notes: 53717

    Reblogged from jew-tube

    (Source: pineyewoman)

     
  8. 15:54 1st Mar 2014

    Notes: 195235

    Reblogged from miserughble

     
  9. 15:41

    Notes: 254963

    Reblogged from nokrista

    dingoinnuendo:

    children that are rough and horrible at handling small animals should not be allowed near small animals i dont care what you say. do not put an animal through that

    (Source: jackryanz)

     
  10. 20:28 28th Feb 2014

    Notes: 15254

    Reblogged from closeitwithakiss

    imploding-with-feels:

    look at the way he looks at her
    look at the way he smiles
    isn't that the look of love?

    one of these is not like the others

    (Source: arendellekingdom)

     
  11. 20:28

    Notes: 484398

    Reblogged from honkifyourehomo

    [[seductively does nothing to indicate I’m attracted to you]]

    (Source: megablaziken)

     
  12. BOYFRIEND IS NOT RESPONDING TO MY FB MESSAGES EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS HE SAW THEM

    BOYFRIEND IS NOT RESPONDING TO MY FB MESSAGES EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS HE SAW THEM

     
  13. 01:43 13th Feb 2014

    Notes: 93582

    Reblogged from closeitwithakiss

    petivit:

    I went to a market today in midtown and met a girl who was selling her poems. You pick your topic and price and she writes you a poem on the spot. The girl before me traded her favorite drawing pen for a poem. I traded $3 for a poem about traveling. 

     
  14. 21:16 5th Feb 2014

    Notes: 2

    Tags: personal

    i need to get better

    for the longest time, i’ve been having suicidal thoughts and feelings of loneliness and deep depression, also with irrational thoughts of breaking up with my boyfriend because i can’t handle this responsibility. but when i’m not feeling depressed, i know that i shouldn’t break up with him because he’s actually the best thing that’s ever happened to me. he’s just amazing and i’ve still haven’t realized it.

    learning asl has helped a little bit with that, but i need to do more therapeutic stuff like yoga and biking and crocheting and other creative stuff. i can’t lock myself in my room just going on tumblr and reddit all day, doing no schoolwork and accomplishing nothing.

    being active will help me feel better. i just need to get motivated.

    i can’t continue to hurt people i love. i can’t continue to hurt myself.

     
  15. that awkward moment when

    your roommate walks in on what looks like you and your boyfriend doin the nasty, but he’s really popping your pimples